when i was in year 5, i did a speech on clumsiness for my school’s public speaking contest and to be clever, i tripped on my way to the stage dropping my note cards all over the place, but then i pulled the real ones out of my pocket saying ‘if you’re going to be clumsy, it pays to be prepared!’
everyone lost their shit and i got second place
That’s not Tarzan’s pet, though… That’s his family. HE WAS RAISED BY THE APES.
technically tarzan was the pet
MY BOOB ITCHES
NO YOU DON’t undersTAND I TOOK MY BRA OFF TWO HOURS AGO AND IT STILL ITCHES I AM GOING TO RIP MY TIT OFF
There’s a shortage of perfect breasts in this world…
it would be a pity to damage yours
if you think you’re being smooth with your princess bride references you’re not
tit itches are serious fucking business
"Hermione and Neville remind me so much of what we know of the friendship between Lily and Remus. Remus was very much the outsider and Lily the smart muggleborn who was always helping him when the rest rejected him."
he saw the opportunity and he took it like fresh bread at a bakery
[Image Description: Background is several triangles in a circle like a pie alternating from true red, scarlet and black. A robin is sitting on his perch looking to the right.
Top Text: “CUSTOMER ABUSES RETURN POLICY.”
Bottom Text: “TRIES TO GET AWAY WITH AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE”]
At our store we call this woman “Rent-a-Center lady”, because that’s what she thinks we are. She first came to my attention (though this was not the first time she’d been a problem) soon after I started at the returns desk. She had bought an expensive TV nearly three months before (in fact, exactly 88 days before, but I’ll get to that), and she wanted to exchange it for a new one. Apparently she was in the habit of buying things, waiting until the 90-day return policy had nearly expired (hence the 88 days), and then exchanging the item for a new one. Rinse and repeat every 88 days in turn with each newly exchanged item, thus always remaining under the return period for each item. We quickly caught on and our security associate told her we wouldn’t do it anymore. She was furious, gave the security associate an earful, called Corporate (which did nothing), and stormed out.
The thing with Rent-a-Center lady, though, is that she waits three or four months between attempts, so there’s a very good chance that when she comes in again she’ll get someone at the desk to help her that has never seen her before. This is why she tends to get away with her crap more often than not. And it’s not just her 88-day-return habit that she has. She also claims to have lost money in the soda machines (several dollars each time), demanding that we reimburse her. She takes other people’s receipts from their outdoor trash, finds the item on our shelf, and then returns it as if she bought it. The terrible thing is, though, that we know she does these things, but no one’s ever caught her in the act, so our managers are always loath to stop her. Corporate has a “the customer must win” policy that pretty much hamstrings us when it comes to putting our foot down. Fortunately, she finally crossed a line.
One day I came in to hear that she’d already been to the desk three times that day, having done multiple transactions with a different associate each time. Each associate was one that didn’t know her, so she got away with everything. When she came in a fourth time, she fortunately came to me and I told her we weren’t going to help her anymore that day. She left, and the front-end manager immediately went to the store manager. He (the front-end manager) was so angry that it actually managed to convince the store manager that something needed to be done, and so we were told to refuse her no matter what she wanted, whether she had a receipt or not, even if it was something like “I lost 50 cents in the soda machine”.
I can’t even describe how happy I was when she came back again several months later and I was the one she came to. I had been hoping and praying that I was the one who got to tell her no, not least because she infuriated me, but because I knew there was a good chance the person she did go to wouldn’t know to tell her no, since they might not have seen her before. So thank God, she came to me, handed me an item, and said, “I’d like to return this.” I told her I couldn’t, not even if she was able to find the receipt (she didn’t have one). Her expression, which was normally smug and self-satisfied, hardened. She said, “Is that a new rule?” I said, “It’s pretty recent, yeah.” “Does it apply to everyone?” I barely contained a smile. “No, just you.” Her fury was something to behold. I explained what the store manager had said, she screamed at me, called corporate right in front of me, and demanded a manager. But of course, as soon as I told her the manager was on his way, she bolted out the door.
This was at least two years ago, and I haven’t seen her since.
This is like porn
I knew this was going to be epic when I started reading it.
Pac stood up, and it’s the first thing you heard him say in like, two weeks of court. ‘You know, your honor, throughout this entire court case, you haven’t looked me or my attorney in the eye once. It’s obvious that you’re not here in the search for justice, so therefore, there’s no point in me asking for a lighter sentence. I don’t care what you do cause you’re not respecting us, this is not a court of law; as far as I’m concerned, no justice is being served here, and you still can’t look me in the eye. So I say, do what you wanna do, give me whatever time you want, because I’m not in your hands, I’m in God’s hands.”
THIS IS MARRIAGE!!
Permission to be a bad ass. Nod.
He looks back at the guy like, “SEE THAT? SHE SAID YES. YOU’RE SO FUCKED.”
Like, guys. Sparta was so kick ASS sometimes when it came to women. Spartan women were given these small knives so that if their husbands came home and tried to hit them or assault them, they had a weapon within reach. That weapon was for CUTTING THEIR HUSBANDS’ FUCKING FACES so that when he went out in public everyone would know he was an asshole, abusing jerkface and they would publicly shame him.
I DID NOT KNOW THAT THAT IS GREAT
LET’S JUST TALK ABOUT SPARTAN WOMEN FOR A SECOND.
In Sparta, women could own land and were considered citizens. THAT IS A HUGE BIG FUCKING DEAL. Why? Because that was RARE AS FUCK and there are lots of places TODAY where women don’t even get that much.
Divorce was totally fine, and a woman could expect to keep her own wealth and get custody of the kids because paternal lineage wasn’t very important. And it didn’t make her a pariah! She could totally remarry, no big deal at all.
Spartan women participated in some fuckin’ badass sporting events, too. And because they were expected to be as physically fit as the Spartan menfolk (who all had to serve compulsory military duties, btw, and couldn’t marry until they finished them at thirty) they didn’t have time for lots of swishy dresses. So they wore notoriously short skirts. According to some accounts, their thighs were visible at all times. HOLY SHIT.
Also, In Sparta men only got their names on their graves if they died in battle. And women? Women only got their names on their graves if they died in childbirth. THE SPARTANS COMPARED CHILDBIRTH TO FUCKING BATTLE AND IT WAS VIEWED AS A GODDAMN BADASS AND HONORABLE WAY TO GO OUT.
FUCKING SPARTAN WOMEN. THIS DUDE HAD FUCKIN’ BETTER MAKE SURE SHE’S COOL WITH WHATEVER HE’S DOING, IF HE KNOWS WHAT’S FUCKIN’ GOOD FOR HIM.
^^ I throughly enjoyed the history lesson dashed with the colorful adjectives.
I mean, he knew she was Cersei… lol
And the women were trained the exact same way as men were. As children they were equals ; they were not allowed to wear clothing until a certain age and at that point they were sent away to a training camp until they were 18. It was only the men who were sent into the wilderness for an extra two years to ensure their strength for battle.
Plus the women could marry whomever they pleased and the men weren’t allowed to live with the women in their house until she said so. And they were tough in Sparta but also all about family. To have male offspring was good luck, to have female offspring was an honour.
This part of the movie was true; King Leonidas really did kill a man because he insulted his wife and he always ensured that he had his wife’s approval. And while Leonidas was away in battle she did rule Sparta on her own.
Sparta knew what was up.
I’ve been waiting for this post all my life
the disclaimer though
reblogging again because I actually read the disclaimer this time…
Fuck this post
Fuck this post so much.
You want a “Why not?”
How about the way your best friend’s older sister will throw up by the side of the road because she’s crying so hard
How about the way your best friend will sob for weeks in her showers, in her bedroom, in the bathroom at school
How about the way your mother will cry every time she looks at herself in the mirror and pictures herself bringing you home
How about the way your father’s eyes will NEVER stop mirroring the image of your hanging body
How about the way your boyfriend will sit in his room in silence, unable to eat or sleep, or even to fucking shower, because why would he want to continue without you
How about the way the girl who called you a brother will start crying every time she sees your parents
How about the way your family will sit in your house after the funeral looking blankly at one another, because god knows they can’t find a fucking thing to say that doesn’t just float through the air where you should be walking
How about the way your sister will wake up every morning and see your door and convince herself that you could still be there, just sleeping in your bed
How about the way your ex girlfriend will come over and pull your clothes from the drawers and cry while she holds them desperately to her face to breathe in what’s left of you
Don’t you dare tell me it won’t change things
There may be stars in the sky and wind in the air and sun in the clouds
But without you we do not want them
Don’t you dare be selfish enough to believe you aren’t important to us
So fuck this post
and fuck this romanticism of suicide
and fuck you for leaving my sister to cry in her room when she thinks nobody can hear
bless this reblog
I CANT REBLOG THIS ANY HARDER FUCK.
I LOVE YOUR FOR THIS POST OKAY.
i am crying
yes yes fuck yes this is so amazing
best part is that it’s even scarier when they lift the cup and nothing is there and they think it got out
i think you need a nap satan
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